It is, again, a new month, and, therefore, time for an update.
You may have noticed my reading list this month is shorter than last month's. This is because I failed, for the second month in a row, to finish my full reading list, and even though I save room each month for overflow, I don't want to set my expectations higher than what is reasonably achievable for myself. I have also edited 2025's reading lists to be shorter, and I will have to adjust them further, as I want each month to have a minimum of 1 open slot. You may notice the later months of 2025 are still relatively empty, if you have any suggestions for me please let me know either in the comments section below, or at my email: FireFairy214@proton.me
Testosterone has been going well, I've been on it over a month now, with only a short >3 day break. I think my dose may need to be adjusted, hopefully I can discuss that with my doctor next week at my appointment, or at least get the referral I need for the endocrinologist. I feel like my voice has leveled out, but I'm happy with where it is. My leg hair has gotten thicker, I feel like my face has changed slightly, my sweat definitely smells different. I've been getting erections randomly and when I wake up, sex has felt better, both mentally and physically. I definitely have more acne now, and I sweat more overall. I don't think my hair has changed any, but it's so fried from bleaching and dying it it's hard to tell. I visibly have more muscle mass, but my appetite hasn't returned since I resumed after the 3 day break, at least not to its full intensity.
Other good news, I am now able to meet with my therapist weekly instead of bi-weekly, starting in 2 weeks, and I'm thrilled about that. I felt like the bi-weekly sessions weren't really benefitting me, mainly due to the gap between sessions, I'm hoping more frequent sessions will help me to make better progress.
October used to be my favorite month, I mean, its Gay Christmas Month, but recently I've lost my excitement for Halloween, and that saddens me. That's probably something to bring up in therapy, loss of enjoyment of things I used to love. I think it partly has to do with stress, both the stress of seeing my family on Halloween, and financially being able to afford a costume, especially since my partner always wants to do couples costumes, so I have to do something that fits with him, and of course that can't be anything we can do with what we have, it has to be something purchased. One of the things I used to love about Halloween was making up costumes last minute (my family is all ADHD and therefore bad at planning costumes in advance) they were always creative and fun, now my costume comes from Spirit Halloween or Amazon, it's not as special.
I've also just been feeling more depressed than usual the past week or so. I'm not sure if that has to do with my hormones or if it's seasonal depression, or if theres genuinely something going on. Regardless, it's been harder to focus, I don't have energy, I'm tired all the time, and it's hard for me to find joy in the things I used to. I've had difficulty keeping up with this blog, something I very much used to enjoy, and also being able to focus while reading, which has slowed my reading considerably. I have been listening to music again, which has been a small light in the dark. I'm hoping I'll get back to feeling like myself again soon, I don't like where my mind has been going lately.
Oh, but on a positive note, I finally fully switched over to linux, specifically Mint XFCE, there have been a few minor issues, especially since my laptop is technically not compatible, but I've been able to fix most things or find workarounds, and I can always run Windows in VM workstation if need be. My main problem I have not been able to solve is playing the Sims 4 on linux, but I can just do that in a Windows VM. I've even found a network connection workaround, and got my webcam working again! Overall I am much happier running linux than Windows.